Abridged Kirby: Episode 1
by JadeDragonKnight
Summary: The next best thing to do after you watch your favorite show is to make fun of it.  This series of stories is a spoof of the Kirby anime.  Inspired by GirusGuru on YouTube.
1. Part 1

Abridged Kirby

Episode 1

JadeDragonKnight

Part 1

It was nighttime in Pupupu Land. The sheep slept peacefully in the field. Suddenly, a large shadow loomed over them. One sheep popped its eyes open and stared up at the towering figure. A gigantic red beast with tentacles stood over them.

"Fe-fi-fo-"

"BAHAHAHAH!" the sheep screamed.

They ran away from the demon but it scooped them up like ice cream and laughed as it brought them to its mouth. Meanwhile, the shepherd grouchily walked out of his house.

"Curse those dang noisy sheep," he mumbled, "I wished they just get eaten by a giant beast or something."

Suddenly, a sheep skull landed square on his head and he fell to the ground. More sheep skulls piled up around him. He looked up in fear at the huge monster looming over him.

"Fe-fi-f-"

"AAAAHHHHHH!" the shepherd screamed like a little girl.

"Gwah, stop shoutin' in my nonvisible ears!"

With that note, the demon floated in the air and flew into the castle out of sight.

* * *

><p>"Who the heck are you people?"<p>

"Escargon, we live in the village," the cappy tried to explain to the snail.

"Where's the dang security in this place?" Escargon asked himself.

"A monster has been attacking the village and eating our precious sheep," another cappy stated.

"I guess I'll just have to do it myself," Escargon said, taking a spear from a Waddle Dee. "GET OUT!" he shouted as he beat one of them in the head with it.

"Knock it off Escargon," Fumu and Bun said as they came up to the scene.

"Oh joy. First these weirdos show up and now you two brats are here. Where'd you come from anyway?"

"We live here," Fumu spelled out.

"What's all this about?" Cabinet Minister Parm said as he and Memu came up to the crowd.

"Mom, dad, tell Escargon why the cappys followed that huge beast that ate their sheep all the way here," Fumu said.

"Why would I do that when you just explained it?" Parm asked.

"Well these cappys need to get out. His majesty is eating his sixth dinner. Wait, what the heck's a cappy?" Escargon shouted.

"Hahaha," King Dedede laughed, stepping out of his chair, "A cappy is a type of mushroom."

"How do you know that?" Bun asked.

"Duh, I eat them every day."

One of the villagers fainted in shock.

"But that's beside the point," Dedede said, walking up to a fish tank with a squid inside. "There's nothing here besides this overly priced squid I bought from TV." He tossed a bone in the tank and the squid grabbed it. "Hehe, he'll make a nice dinner in a few days." The cephalopod stared up at him in horror. He went back to his chair and said, "Now then, GET OUT OF MY CASTLE!"


	2. Part 2

Abridged Kirby

Episode 1

JadeDragonKnight

Part 2

The next day, the villagers all gathered in front of their sacred idol.

"Oh mighty Kabu," Parm began, "please awaken and tell us what will befall the village and how we might rid us of this beast."

There was a pause then the statue's mouth opened.

"Who are you people and why do you keep calling me Kabu?"

"Oh please guide us," another villager begged.

"Why do you guys keep coming to me for this? I'm only a giant, talking tree head! Let the star warrior Kirby take care of that," Kabu bellowed.

"Wait, who's Kirby?" Fumu asked.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey!" Dedede shouted as he and Escargon pulled up in an orange tank, almost running over a cappy. "I don't remember getting a giant talking tree head! I'll shoot it down 'cause it's so dang ugly!"

"Oh, you think I'm ugly?" the tree asked, "I'm not as ugly as yo mama, who stands in front of a mirror and watches it break into pieces."

"Well, yo mama is so ugly that she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning," Dedede argued.

"Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M's factory for throwing out all the W's."

"Ooo, that's right son," the villager that almost got ran over input from the ground.

"Yo mama's so fat that when she steps on a scale it says 'one at a time please'," Dedede said.

"Well yo mama-"

"When did this escalate into a 'yo mama' fight?" Bun asked.

'_Oh Kirby, I bet you're soo handsome,' _Fumu thought as she pictured a dreamy warrior standing before her.

"Yo mama is so- hey what the heck is that?" Dedede asked, pointing to an approaching object in the sky.

The object came into view as a star spaceship. It cut through the sky like a majestic, jet powered bird. Suddenly, it hit a tree, bounced off the ground, and cut through a hill to a stop.

"What kind of landing was that?" Dedede asked.

"Oh, that was yo mama 'cause she's too stupid and fat to land a ship," Kabu replied.

"We'll finish this later you big tree head," Dedede said as he zoomed off to the top of the hill.

The villagers hastily followed behind. They all gathered around the strange ship. They gasped when the hatch opened, revealing a squirming pink blob. The puff ball landed face first in the rubble. Dedede picked it up by the foot and turned it around so they could see its face.

"What the heck is this thing?" he asked, dropping the blob.

The pink ball responded by happily shouting, "Kirby piyo!"

Fumu gasped as her mental image of the handsome star warrior shattered into little tiny pieces.

"Ah it's so ugly. Let's kill it!" Dedede shouted, taking his mallet out.

The king swung the hammer and the pink ball flew off into the distance with a tiny scream.

"Wait a second, he's still the star warrior," Fumu said, running after him with Bun behind her.


	3. Part 3

Abridged Kirby

Episode 1

JadeDragonKnight

Part 3

Bun and Fumu continued to climb down a large, rocky chasm.

"I'm sure this is where he landed," Fumu muttered as she continued to walk forward.

Bun gasped and said, "Sis, look out for that random leg!"

"What?" she asked, unaware of the hairy leg sticking out from the wall.

She tripped over it and fell in the chasm screaming. Right before she got skewered by a stalagmite, Kirby jumped out from his hiding place and caught her. He lowered her to the ground.

"Kirby, you saved me," Fumu said.

"Let's have a feast," Bun cheered.

"How'd you get down here so fast?"

"Piyo!" Kirby jumped up and cheered.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, a table full of food and cappys laid in the dining hall. Kirby was at the end of the long table.<p>

"Alright, let's eat!" Bun said, knife and fork poised.

Kirby immediately sucked up all the food and happily sucked on a spoon.

"NOOOOOO!" Bun shouted, throwing himself on the table.

"Damn you Kirby!" Fumu objected.

In fear of the mob, Kirby jumped down from the table and fled into the fields. Fumu and Bun followed him. They found him eating watermelons.

"I'm going to-" Bun said evilly.

"Oh no," Fumu gasped.

She grabbed Bun and Kirby and ran into a nearby shed.

"The others must have told the knights about this. Now they're after us," she stated.

"This is all your fault!" Bun yelled at Kirby.

"Shush."

Fumu put her ear on the door and listened.

"Ok, I know I saw someone go into that shed," a voice muffed through the door.

"Quick, hide Kirby," Fumu whispered while taking a bag and stuffing Kirby into it.

"Shouldn't we hide too?" Bun asked.

"How do you know they went into the shed? How do you know you even exist?"

"Don't try that psychology crap on me."

Suddenly, the door was kicked down, revealing two knights.

"H-hi, Sword and Blade," Fumu stuttered, trying to keep the squirming pink puff still.

"What'cha doing in here you guys?" Blade asked slyly.

"N-Nothing."

"What are you hiding in the bag?" Sword asked.

"Well, it's certainly not a demon," Fumu replied.

"I'll be the judge of that."

Sword and Blade stepped off the door to make way for their lord. Fumu gasped as Sir Meta Knight walked in, wrapped in his cape. As he stepped inside, a Mexican tune played.

"Who the hell keeps doing that?" Meta Knight shouted. He dashed outside and screamed into the heavens, "STOP FOLLOWING ME!" He walked back in calmly and asked, "Ok, where was I?"

"'I'll be the judge of that'?" Blade informed.

"Oh right," he replied, clearing his throat. "It seems ze villagers are having a little 'demon trouble'. You vouldn't happen to know anything about tis demon, si?"

"Ok, what's with the Spanish accent?" Fumu asked.

"Oh, I just watched The Legend of Zorro not too long ago. Good movie," Meta Knight replied.

"Yeah, it doesn't suit you."

"Fine, I'll drop it. Now, if you don't mind I'm going to stab that suspiciously moving bag for no reason what so ever."

"But master, we do have a reason," Sword said.

"Yeah, we're looking for the demon," Blade added.

"Silence!" Meta Knight yelled, "I am Zorro! En garde!"

The knight quickly pulled out his golden sword and lunged at Fumu. She screamed and jumped out of the way. The sword just barely pierced the sack.

"Hey you jerk, you could've stabbed someone!" Fumu complained as he lifted the bag.

The old knight gasped when he saw Kirby.

"Why does he look so familiar?" he muttered to himself. He lowered his sword and said, "Nope, got nothing."

"*cough* star warrior *cough*."

"Gesundheit, Sword," Meta Knight said. Suddenly, he popped his sword back up and exclaimed, "Oh I got it! It's the star warrior! He's back!" He withdrew his sword, turned to walk out the door and continued, "I got that, 'cause I knew it. Oh yeah."

Fumu stared at him tiredly.

"Wait, Meta Knight," she said as she ran after him. "What's a star warrior?"

"Well little girl," he replied, turning to her, "that's what you call an oxymoron."

She stared at him indifferently and asked, "Can you elaborate a little more?"

"Sure, I can do that," he said, looking up at the stars. "A star warrior is a very powerful person chosen for their unique abilities to kick Nightmare's gigantic butt. Who-wah!"

"Who's Nightmare?"

"Some evil dude…thing that makes demons from the negative things in a person's heart, like fear or anger."

"Ok, so Kirby was chosen was defeat Nightmare?"

"Yup, and so was I, so us star warriors got to stick together- dang you're short!" he exclaimed when he got a good look at Kirby.

Suddenly, a distant rumble caught their attention. A huge red squid thing emerged from the hillside with sheep in its tentacles. They all stared at it in horror.

"Hey guys, I found the demon!" Meta Knight shouted happily.

Sword and Blade rushed out the shed and gasped in terror. The monster laughed as it brought the baying sheep to its mouth. Meta Knight blocked Kirby's sight with his cape.

"Eeewwuuu," they cringed as they watched the squid devour the sheep.

After it had its fill, the beast floated back to the castle.

"Guys, we gotta get that thing!" Fumu called.

Meta Knight was busy waving his hand over Kirby, assessing how small he really is.

"Huh? Yes of course. To the castle!" the old knight shouted as he charged off into the distance.

"My lord, that's the wrong way!" Blade and Sword shouted, running after him.


	4. Part 4

Abridged Kirby

Episode 1

JadeDragonKnight

Part 4

Back in the castle, King Dedede just entered his throne room.

"I have no idea why I was out so long, but it's good to be back."

He walked up to his fish tank and gazed at the pink squid inside.

"Right where I left you. Ready to become calamari?"

The squid responded by staring deeply into the king's eyes. He stared back in confusion. The squid's eyes changed to green and so did the king's. Just then, Fumu, Bun, and Kirby burst through the door.

"We know you're hiding the demon!" Fumu shouted.

He turned with an evil laugh and pulled out his mallet. He began chasing Kirby, trying to smash him with the hammer.

"Well that stinks. The demon is controlling him."

Fumu looked to her right to see Meta Knight standing next to her. Sword and Blade walked in panting heavily. They collapsed to the floor in exhaustion.

"Sheez guys, you need to work out," Meta Knight said.

"Let's kill that demon while it's distracted," Bun said.

The squid got very mad and grew in size. It crushed the tank and busted a hole in the roof. Dedede was knocked to the side and snapped out of his trance.

"What happened?" he muttered.

Then he stared up at the demon and screamed. Then, he passed out.

Sword and Blade ran up to it, shouting, "Alright let's do this. LEEROY JENKINS!"

The squid threw down its tentacle and stopped the two knights from reaching it. In sheer terror, Kirby ran out of the room and onto a balcony. The demon destroyed his only access out. Kirby shook in fear. Fumu, Bun and Meta Knight ran out onto another patio.

"What do we do?" Fumu asked.

"Quick, give him the star in your pocket!" Meta Knight replied.

"What the- how'd this get in there?" she asked, pulling it out.

"I switched it with your candy bar. I was hoping you could buy another one with it, since I ate it."

"Nice," Bun said sarcastically.

Fumu jumped on top of the railing and held the star high in the air. It shone brilliantly. Kirby stared in awe at it. She held it there for a few seconds.

"Just give him the dang thing already!" Meta Knight commanded.

"Okay, okay!" Fumu replied, throwing the star at Kirby.

He caught it and his power returned. The demon breathed fire on the pink puff. He sucked the flame up and changed form.

"Whoa, what's going on?" Bun asked.

"Heck, I don't know," Meta Knight replied scratching his head. He saw the transformed Kirby and said, "Hey, it's Fire Kirby!"

"Fire Kirby?" Fumu asked.

"Yup. Kirby can change form by absorbing his enemies' powers. He can shoot flames and stuff in this form."

Kirby took the little star and threw it in the air. It came back as a bigger star and he jumped on it. He flew at the demon and breathed a mighty flame at it. It launched into the stars and exploded. Fumu and Bun cheered.

* * *

><p>The next day, Fumu, Bun and Kirby were walking along until they heard a crash in the distance. They ran up to the scene to see Kirby's ship smashed onto Dedede's tank.<p>

"What the heck is wrong with you, you idiot!" the king shouted at Escargon.

He grabbed his eye stalk and shook him vigorously. The children laughed.

"Well, I guess you'll be staying a while Kirby," Fumu said.

"Piyo!" the little pink puff cheered.

THE END


End file.
